


It Should Have Been You - But That's Over Now

by forgetmenotjimmy



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempted Murder, Bittersweet Ending, Brain Damage, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Future Fic, Hurt Amy Santiago, Hurt Jake Peralta, Hurt Teddy Wells, Main Character Kills Someone, Moving On, Multi, Police Brutality, Polyamory, Sacrifice, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, child endangerment, life support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 03:36:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19348696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: “Please, no! I didn’t know she was your daughter!”BANG!Jake charged up the stairs and froze as he took in the scene. He saw Amy with the gun in her hand, the perp on the floor, dead. No, he thought, this will end her. She’ll never become Captain. They could take her badge, maybe even throw her in jail. That thought was too much, too terrible. No, that will not happen.He made his decision.





	It Should Have Been You - But That's Over Now

**Author's Note:**

> Note: So this is based on a dream I had, probably the most AU thing I’ve ever written. Please mind the tags, this is a dark one.  
> Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about US medical/police procedures so don’t shoot me. Do let me know if there are errors that I can fix though, happy to do that.

Lieutenant Santiago ran, arms pumping and face set in a determined scowl. The monster she was chasing was fast and clever; he’d evaded capture several times and murdered numerous people but the Lieutenant was going to catch him. There was no way he would escape her.

She reached a set of stairs and on instinct ran up them, leaving behind the distant sounds of her partner. As her foot stepped on to the top landing, she felt the air shift and only just managed to raise her arm in time to block the blow aimed at her head. Gritting her jaw to contain the scream of pain, she cursed as the shock of it made her drop her gun. The perp tackled her to the ground but even pinned on her back, she felt no fear, only rage. Her anger gave her the strength to twist the hand trying to restrain her and as he cried out she reared up and punched his throat. He went slack and she threw him off, eyes frantically searching for her gun. He recovered before she could see it in the gloom and the flash of silver had her whipping out her baton. She dodged his lunge at her chest, twisting to whack the arm. To her frustration he didn’t drop the knife, instead shoving her backwards with his shoulder. She stumbled but managed to keep her footing and before he could attack again dropped to one knee, striking one of his knees on her way down. He gasped and half-collapsed, unable to block her strike to his face. It knocked him on his back and she spotted her gun. She grabbed it and stood, pointing it at his head as she caught her breath. The murder’s face blanched as he realised what was going to happen; his voice cracked as he pleaded.

“Please, no! I didn’t know she was your daughter!”

BANG!

…

Jake froze as he heard the gunshot. It seemed to vibrate through his entire body and gut him all at once.

“Amy!” He shouted, turning around and racing for the stairs he’d dismissed earlier. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ He berated himself as he ran up them. Gun drawn and eyes wide he stopped at the top; mind trying to process what he was seeing. Amy stood with her back to him, gun pointed forward, staring down at the perp on the floor. He was dead, a perfectly round hold in the middle of his forehead and a small pool of blood leaking out under his head the only indications. As Jake watched, Amy lowered her gun and sank to her knees. Swallowing harshly, Jake holstered his gun and dropped down beside her. He scanned her quickly, her clothes were ruffled, hair tousled and falling out of the bun. She appeared uninjured except for a shallow cut on her upper arm. She allowed him to examine it, gaze distant and face frighteningly blank. Jake felt in shock himself.

He'd watched helplessly on the side-lines as the case had turned personal, Amy shutting everyone off, even herself, and just becoming a detective machine. He’d invited himself onto the case even though it actually belonged to one of her detectives at the 78. Neither said detective nor Captain Klein even argued as they needed all hands on deck and the silent, intense Lieutenant had been scaring everyone. She and Jake had just relieved the team staking out the likely hiding place of one of the murder’s accomplices when Amy had leapt out and tore after a shape in the distance. Jake had rushed after them, quickly losing them once inside until he’d heard the gunshot.

 _Oh God._ Jake’s mind flashed to a small form in a hospital bed, pale and unmoving, to the boy beside the bed looking desperately confused and overwhelmed, Teddy’s stricken face as he looked between his children and the cold, distant frame of his wife. _This will end her_ , Jake thought. She’d never become Captain. They could even take her badge, maybe even throw her in jail. That thought was too much, too terrible. _No, that will not happen_. The decision was easy.

Gently, he took her gun from her limp fingers and looked around at the scene. The warehouse was abandoned and hopefully empty of anyone who would have heard the shot and called the police.

“Amy.” He tried. “Amy you gotta go back to the car. Use the wet wipes you keep there to clean your hands.” The blood splatter had thankfully missed her, but she’d have powder burns on her fingers. She didn’t seem to hear him. Frustrated, he grabbed her shoulders and repeated urgently. “Amy! Snap out of it!”

“Jake…” She managed finally, face crumpling. “I…”

“No.” He interrupted her sharply. “ _I_ shot him. You fought and he ran. I chased him up here and killed him. Got it?” She blinked, mind still fighting through the shock.

“No.”

“Yes.” Jake insisted, picking up her gun. “You dropped your gun and I picked it up and shot him. That’s what happened; I need you to say it.” Her eyes focused and she said quietly, in a statement half-way to a question but not quite.

“You’d do that for me.” Jake put down her gun and cupped her face with both hands.

She’d aged in the 20 years they’d known each other: her skin less smooth and her lines more pronounced, but she was just as beautiful and strong and vibrant and he couldn’t let some scumbag ruin decades of hard work and sacrifice.

“It’s what happened.” He said simply. Her beautiful brown eyes began to shine and she grabbed his hands, sniffing. Before he could break the moment and hurry them on with his cover up plan, she was leaning in and kissing him.

Absurdly, he was reminded of the myth of medusa, except it was her lips that had turned him to stone. He couldn’t move. She held him captive with her warm, slightly salty lips. They’d kissed before to keep covers, back when they’d worked together, back when they’d been partners; but this was different. This was desperate and confusing and something else…something that filled his gut with dread.

Then her lips were gone and he was opening his eyes he hadn’t even realised had slid shut.

“It should have been you.” She said and the something became overwhelming fear. He saw the gun in her hand and his body flew into action.

BANG!

...

Commissioner Holt knew that going down to the 78 to oversee the interview with Detective Peralta could be seen as favouritism but he couldn’t care less. The whole station was tense: the shocking and grisly conclusion of a difficult and personal case, as well as the actions of a well-liked officer in their ranks was grating on everyone. Holt greeted the Captain briefly before they took positions in the observation room to watch Detective Park question Peralta.

Holt’s first impression was that Peralta had aged 10 years since he’d last seen him a few weeks ago. It wasn’t the silver hair at his temples – which had appeared a few years back and freaked the man out until Kevin had voiced how distinguished they made him look, and hadn’t that made the man change his tune? Nor was it the lines on his face which were perhaps deeper than they’d been before. No, it was the haunted look in his eyes, the slumped posture. In all the years Holt had known Jake Peralta, he’d only been defeated a handful of times and the slumps and rough patches had never lasted long. Whether through the help of his friends or by himself, Jake Peralta had pulled through and come back fighting. Staring at the small figure in the interview room, Holt had the foreboding feeling that maybe this time, there would be no coming back. He only knew the bare bones of what had happened and the facts alone were enough to test his emotional control. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to witness the events himself.

Detective Park started the interview, pulling Peralta out of what looked like some very dark thoughts. Peralta’s description of the events before and during the chase was dry and factual, with no embellishments or asides; even at the beginning of their association, Peralta would have recognised the seriousness of the situation and acted accordingly and also would have been just as affected by what had happened to Santiago.

“So you didn’t see Lieutenant Santiago fire her weapon?” Park asked. Swallowing, Peralta repeated flatly.

“No, I did not see Santiago fire her weapon. I only heard the shot.” Park nodded and Peralta haltingly described the scene he walked in on. Holt felt nauseous but merely clenched his jaw, eyes never leaving his former detective. “And then,” Peralta hesitated, eyes flicking to the window as if he knew Holt was there. Then his gaze dropped to the table. “She grabbed her gun and brought it up…to her head.”

“Wait, I thought she was still holding the gun.” Park interrupted and Peralta went through it again, stating that he’d taken the gun from her and placed it on the ground. Lieutenant Santiago had seemed incognisant of what was happening before snapping out of it and taking the weapon.

“I wrestled her to the ground and the shot went wide.” Park leaned back and Holt recognised the same thing she did. Peralta had omitted something; there was something missing from the chain of events between Santiago killing the murderer and attempting suicide.

“Detective Peralta,” Park began slowly, “we all sympathise with what Lieutenant Santiago went through, but-”

“No, you don’t.” Peralta snapped. Holt held his breath unconsciously, not wanting to break the sudden tension. Park didn’t speak, instead watching Peralta breathing out steadily. “I’m not saying she had the right to kill him – or even that she did it on purpose – but her judgement,” he cut himself off, “I should have stopped her, should have kept her from the stakeout. She clearly wasn’t thinking straight, this isn’t Amy!” Park held up a hand to Peralta’s increasingly urgent, pleading tones.

“I know this is difficult for you, Detective, but please stick to the facts. We’ll get the Lieutenant’s statement once they deem her fit enough and then the Review board will look at everything and make a decision.” Peralta jerked his head in acknowledgement but still insisted.

“I want it on the record that she shouldn’t have been in the field, that I should have stopped her before she so much as saw that SOB.” Holt resisted the urge to press the intercom and order Peralta to stop talking.

“Yes, Detective, that has been noted.” Park reassured him and he sat back. After a moment, he resumed in short, bitten-off sentences.

“I grabbed her gun arm and knocked her onto her back. The shot went wide and I held her down until she stopped struggling. Then I disarmed her and lead her to the next room. I cuffed her and sat her down as I called for backup.” There was a taught silence as Park finished taking notes. She looked up. Holt couldn’t see her expression but from her body language gauged that it was sympathetic. This was confirmed when she asked softly.

“Is there anything else you’d like to add to your account of these events?” Peralta was silent for a long moment before shaking his head. Holt made a quick phone call before catching Peralta outside. The detective looked lost until he saw Holt.

“It wasn’t her fault.” Holt held up a placating hand. He couldn’t be seen to confirm or deny that, so he suggested that Peralta sit in the break room for a moment.

“I’ll update Captain Miller. Don’t worry about your open cases.” Peralta shook his head, movements still slow.

“Rosa gave all my cases to Boyle and Rodrigo so I could help,” he choked a little and Holt remembered Captain Klein reporting this.

“Well, go and sit a moment.” Thankfully Peralta didn’t protest and by the time Holt had finished discussing practicalities he spotted Jessica hurrying into the bull pen. Someone tried to stop her but Hold waved her over. “He’s in the break room.” She thanked him and went over. From where he was standing, he caught a glimpse of the two embracing, Jessica’s hand in Peralta’s hair. Holt was too old-fashioned to properly understand Peralta’s relationship with Jessica and her husband Stanley, but he gathered that Peralta filled a gap in the married couple’s relationship and they in turn gave Peralta the domesticity and home that had previously eluded him. They were both upstanding, kind members of the community and Jake was much happier since joining them. That was as much as a surrogate father could hope for.

His thoughts turned grim as Detective Park gave the signal and Holt followed her to interview Lieutenant Santiago.

…

“She said, ‘it should have been you’.” Jake said numbly. He was staring out of the window as Jessica drove him home. He’d had the presence of mind to tell Rosa he was going home and she’d texted ‘good’ back. It had been strange when Rosa had been promoted to Sergeant when Terry had become Lieutenant in a Manhattan precinct. At first Jake had rebelled, testing the boundaries, but after Rosa had refused to bend due to their long-standing friendship, he’d settled. They still hung out after work sometimes and saw each other at old squad meet ups, their easy friendship largely unaffected even on the job.

“What?” Jessica asked anxiously. Part of Jake wanted to tell her to calm down, to stop worrying so much, but a big part of him was glad she was concerned, glad that she cared. This wasn’t something he could deal with alone, years of therapy told him. He’d told her the bare bones of what had happened, not willing to relive every moment of the ordeal over and over, but that one moment was picking at him. They turned into their street so he shook his head. She’d told him that Stanley was home so he wanted to wait, talk to them together. Stanley was waiting in the kitchen, brewing some tea. He took one look at Jake and pulled him into a bear hug. Where Jessica was small and delicate-looking, Stanley was tall and well-built. His size had intimidated Jake at first, but after he’d learned Stanley would never hurt him, it became comforting to be engulfed in his loving embraces.

“She said, ‘it should have been you’.” Jake repeated once he’d been released and on seeing the confusion on Stanley’s face, felt his eyes begin to sting. It all washed over him again, the horror of fearing for Amy’s life, taking in what she’d done, desperately trying to fix it only for her to kiss him, tell him something so cryptic and confusing and then…

By the time he came back to himself, he was on the couch, sandwiched between his two partners. Haltingly, he explained that terrible, confusing moment and the two exchanged a look. “What did she mean?” He asked a little desperately. Jessica rubbed his arm.

“Only she can tell you that, Jake.” Stanley commented.

“Did she say anything else?” Jessica, always the more practical of the two, asked.

“She…she kissed me and then, said the Thing.” Jessica stroked the side of his face.

“Oh honey, you know what she meant.” Staring into her big, blue eyes, Jake could only nod. He did. Deep down. He did.

…

Teddy Wells stood looking down at his wife and wondering when and where his life had been overturned into this nightmarish Hell he was currently occupying. He hadn’t believed them when they’d told him what she’d done until he’d seen her. She looked like how he felt and his mind shied away from contemplating what he would have done in the same situation. Those thoughts were pointless when he had a mute, suicidal wife, a brain-dead daughter and a son that couldn’t stop crying.

Amy was curled up on the bed, facing away from him. She’d had a psych eval when she’d been admitted that terrible day and after reassessment had been cleared for the police interview. Teddy had not been allowed to sit in but had gotten the notes through a friend. So he knew – even though now he wanted to forget – what had happened. Amy and Peralta’s accounts had matched up so taking into consideration the mitigating factors and media coverage, public sympathy was firmly on Amy’s side, the Review Board had decided to suspend Captain Klein for neglecting to properly manage his team – Amy should have been at least side-lined if not taken off the case, his justification that they hadn’t expected the murderer to turn up to his associate’s hiding place not holding water. Peralta and some other detective working on the case were written up for not reporting their doubts over Amy’s state of mind and preventing the incident. Amy herself was put on medical leave until cleared for active duty – _if that ever happened_ , Teddy would think to himself in the middle of the night. There was no official punishment or reprimand but a note was put in her file concerning child murder cases and she was taken out of consideration for the Captain of the 63.

A few weeks ago she would have been devastated by that news, but when Teddy had broken it to her gently earlier that day, she’d barely reacted. Teddy ground his teeth together. If she couldn’t handle that, how was she meant to deal with the doctors bringing up pulling the plug on Maya? It was unlikely that she’d ever regain enough brain function to come off life-support. Benji was acting up, the bills were steadily increasing and every doctor Teddy consulted told him the same story.

_Your daughter is gone._

Both their families were stepping up and helping with Benji and general support but dammit he needed his wife!

“Amy.” He called softly. She knew he was there and she’d definitely heard him but she didn’t answer. Teddy’s eyes burned. Before he could try again, the door opened.

“Oh, uh, I…” He turned and saw Peralta awkwardly standing in the doorway, clutching an envelope in his hands. Teddy was actually surprised to realise this was the first he’d seen of the man since before… He would have thought that Amy’s best friend would have visited at least once in all of those weeks.

“Jake.” Amy had sat up. Teddy’s guts lit on fire and he glared at the intruder. Looking between them, fatigue and pain etched on his face, Peralta stammered.

“I’m going away for a while,” _Good_ , Teddy thought viciously. “but I wrote a letter.” He held it out slightly, seemingly unwilling to come further into the room.

“Come in, I need to talk to you both.”

“Oh really?” Teddy burst out. “You want to talk _now_?” Peralta shut the door to keep Teddy’s voice from carrying outside but looked wary.

“I can come back-”

“No.” Amy took Teddy’s hand and beckoned Peralta over, holding her other hand out. He held out the letter but she batted it away and took his hand. Teddy bristled but remained silent, curious and a little hopeful at her finally speaking. Peralta had also shut up, staring at Amy. “I love you both,” she began, looking between them before focusing on Peralta, “when you told me you had feelings for me all those years ago I never said that I loved you back but you’ve always been there for me anyway.” The men shared a micro-glance with mixed emotions on their faces. “It wasn’t until you offered to take the blame that I realised how much I’d held you back.” Peralta opened his mouth to argue but Amy glared it closed again. A second later, Teddy jerked in realisation. Peralta had…? He stared at Peralta in astonishment. Peralta avoided his gaze. “It wasn’t fair on you,” Amy continued, “or you.” She turned to Teddy and squeezed his hand. Teddy felt his body fizzing. All these years he’d held resentment for Peralta muscling in and been told that he was imagining things. Now his wife was admitting he’d been right but there was no triumph or satisfaction. Instead he began to feel afraid. “My dear husband,” Amy brought his hand up to her cheek, eyes shining. “Can you forgive me?” Teddy’s nerves levelled as he told himself, _she’s not leaving_. He glanced at Peralta who looked between them and croaked.

“I shouldn’t have stayed.” Teddy bit back a sarcastic retort, brain reminding him that this man had offered to take the fall and had saved Amy’s life. So Teddy just nodded and squeezed Amy’s hand back, looking down at her and feeling all the love he still had for her.

“I forgive you.” He whispered. She sobbed and he put an arm around her, kissing her forehead. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Peralta shifting awkwardly. Teddy had spent almost a decade resenting Peralta’s presence in his relationship with Amy, but in that moment, he couldn’t muster any anger or hatred. Instead he put a hand on Peralta’s shoulder and the two men shared a look. Acceptance and forgiveness. Amy sniffed and at up straight, hand still in Peralta’s.

“Thank you for everything.” Peralta’s smile was watery as he answered.

“No, thank _you_.” He took a deep breath. “Vaya con Dios*, Amy.” He and Amy shared one last long look before they dropped hands and Peralta left the room. Teddy squeezed Amy’s shoulder, telling her he’d be right back.

“Peralta!” He called down the hall. Peralta stopped and turned, wiping his face. Ignoring the tears, Teddy asked. “Where _are y_ ou going?”

“Jessica and Stanley have a place upstate. Just gonna go, get my head straight.”

“You saved her life.” Teddy affirmed. “You don’t think I tried to stop her working on it?” He said over Peralta’s guilt-ridden protest, “You know what she’s like. Nothing and no one could have kept her away.” Peralta nodded half-heartedly but the guilt still lay heavily on him. Teddy realised that as much as the man had felt like a third-wheel in his marriage, he’d also been a huge help. Supporting Amy when Teddy couldn’t or didn’t know how. And then being there for her when Teddy had been consumed by grief, locked away in his daughter’s room as his wife had been hunting the monster who’d put her there. In a way, Teddy also owed Jake a debt.

Never let it be said that Teddy couldn’t be the bigger man. He brought Jake in for a hug, feeling the other man stiffen before relaxing minutely. In light of his realisation and being practical, Teddy knew that cutting Jake out of his and his family’s lives entirely was a pipe dream, so he said. “We’ll still see you around.” Jake breathed out shakily before muttering.

“Yeah, eventually I’ll…yeah.” They parted and Teddy watched Jake leave. He returned to his wife’s side and got into bed next to her. Snuggling, he knew that they had a lot of traumatic, hellish years in front of them, but he had faith that they could get through it together.

Tucked into him, Amy was thinking the same thing.

…

Waiting outside Reception for Jessica and Stanley to pick him up, Jake closed his eyes and concentrated on the sounds and smells around him. He’d been going to therapy for years and this was one of the best techniques to get him out of his head and ground himself in the moment. He thought he’d prepared himself for cutting ties with Amy Santiago. He’d written down his guilt-ridden confession and apologetic shuffling out of her life. Of course she’d try and take the blame, one-up him even in this terrible blame game. God, it hurt.

Still, he tried to focus on the positives. Teddy had been surprisingly cool with his wife’s speech and he was right when he implied they’d still see each other at mutual friends’ events and such. Despite everything, Amy was still alive and free and with time would recover. She’d have her husband by her side, her family, her friends. Eventually, she’d go back to work and smash everyone’s sympathy and lowered expectations to bits. She didn’t need Jake Peralta and that was okay.

“Jake.” He opened his eyes to see Stanley in front of him, voice and face gently. “You ready to go?” Realising he still had the letter, Jake looked down at it and then threw it away in a nearby trash can. Returning to Stanley’s side he took the offered hand and replied.

“Yeah.”

They left together.

**Author's Note:**

> *Spanish for: Go with God, a formal farewell.
> 
> Warning! Long-ass, rambling thoughts about this fic’s Jake&Amy relationship. So in the show, Amy states that Teddy is boring and I don’t think it’s necessarily because of his interests (she sure doesn’t share all of Jake’s interest and vice versa) it’s that he doesn’t challenge her in the way Jake does. Jake not only literally challenges her to dares and bets (familiar to her because it emulates how she interacts with her family), but he also engages her values, behaviour and beliefs. They both change and develop because of their association with the other. Being with Teddy feels flat and boring because he just accepts her as she is, and whilst not a bad thing it’s just not what show Amy wants in a relationship.  
> Changes in my fic’s universe:  
> 1) Amy doesn’t need Teddy to challenge her because she has her work and Jake for that. Being with Teddy is comforting and easy and they still support and love each other; she doesn’t feel anything is missing…Mostly.  
> 2) Jake never asks Amy out – partly because he never finds out about her mutual interest and partly because he never expresses his feelings after the pre-undercover confession. He is even more insecure and self-deprecating in this. Even though Amy is married to someone else, he thinks nothing of being available for her to the detriment of other relationships. Part of the reason his relationship with the married couple works so well is that he’s only a third of it and not a half, leaving more time and effort to devote to Amy.  
> 3) Teddy is a normal person and not a crazed stalker like in s4/5.
> 
> Also, also I’ve seen a lot of B99 soulmate fics, like A LOT. Nothing wrong with the concept it’s just weird, right? I guess Jake&Amy work so well as a couple that it feels like they’re destined. Charles thinks so anyway.
> 
> Thanks for reading! If there’s interest in this I might write more fics from this universe, stuff like: Jake’s relationship with Amy’s kids (with Jake v Teddy tension); Jake’s relationship with the married couple; Amy’s family’s thoughts on the situation; Charles’ depression after Amy’s wedding (omg that might actually be too dark to write) etc


End file.
